Yanagi's Report
by Snowpoppy
Summary: Yanagi has to write an essay/report on something he finds interesting. He chooses the topic of fanfiction and remarks on its strange and sometimes stupid quirks.


**I decided to write a little something for all you peeps to enjoy and read. I myself enjoyed writing it. :D **

**Enjoy.**

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**A Report on Fanfiction**

_Yanagi Renji; Rikkai Dai; September 8, 20XX_

One can find many things on the Internet. It is a wonderfully splendid display of culture and of the people. My topic of indulgence is a certain type of literature called fanfiction. For many it is not literature, but for the point of this essay we shall view it as such. Fanfiction is, in essence, an elaboration on popular works of literary art. Not even literary art, even. In fact, Rikkai Dai is featured on Fanfiction, as is the whole of the Japanese tennis world. This having sparked my curiosity, I decided to sample some of the works and take down data. They revealed some very interesting facts and habits which will be revealed below.

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**1. The abuse of Romaji.**

_"Ja, ko shioka. Ore o taoshitara choco ageru!" _

_"Oi chotto katteni kimeruna."_

_"Ja kimari!"_

And this story was labeled as 'English', which I found highly surprising. Although many would contest that fifty-two percent of the narration and twenty-three percent of the dialogue were English, so therefore it was English. Below is a dictionary of Romaji, categorized.

_baka- _idiot  
_konnichiwa- _hello  
_okaa-san- _mother  
_otou-san- _father  
_buchou_- captain  
_oyaji- _old man (not to be confused with father)  
_dozo yoroshiku- _please take care of me

That is what most people know. Below is what **some** people know, so beware of using them

_sumimasen- _excuse me_  
konbawa- _good evening_  
ohayou- _good morning_  
minna- _everybody_  
aishiteru-_ I love you

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**2. The use of no spaces (Enter) whatsoever.**

_"Heeeeeey, give her baaack!" sobbed a young child, surrounded by children much older and much larger (no, muscle wise, judgemental aren't you?) than him. "Now, why would we listen to scum like you?" mocked the apparent leader of the group. (in other words, the biggest coward) The child looks up from his position on the ground. ".. Why am i scum?" He inquired as he pulled himself to his feet. "Am i scum because i'm diffrent? Because i'm smaller?" He growled softly, advancing on the leader of the group. "I am not scum. In fact, compared to you, i'm a platinum-plated gold bar. so, give her back!" The young boy then tried to tackle the leader.. to no avail, the leader simple cracked the poor boy on the head and flung him aside. "Powerful words from such a weak pile of filth." The leader scoffed, kicking the young boy in the ribs to add injury to insult. Then the rest of the group advanced on the dazed boy.. and commenced beating him within an inch of his life. "Maybe that will teach you a lesson; scum is always scum, no matter how hard it tries to convince others it has worth. You can have this.. toy.. back." Laughed the leader, as she throws the torn doll she took from the child at his feet, laughing coldly as she leads the rest of the group away. The young boy pulls the doll to his chest. "i... it's ok.. sniff.. they won't hurt you anymore sissy..." The young boy sobs softly, keeping his 'sissy' held firmly to him. "it's.. it's going to all get better... i promise..."_

How are normal civilians supposed to read it? Even I, an upgraded civilian, had trouble with my eyes after reading the first sentence.

It is very taxing on the eyes, especially if you are nearsighted.

(A/N: The author is extremely nearsighted and forgetful (she forgot her glasses somewhere) and is squinting while she is typing this.)

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**3. And please preview this lovely paragraph. No need to mention all the errors contained within.**

_Becket and Castle are traped in the big freezer after the bad guys shoot at them and traped them. Dont worry they get out ok. They waited for Ryen and Espisiti rescuing them because they are traped._

Before publishing any story, I strongly advise that you proofread and spell-check your work. Much appreciated. Also, contrary to popular belief, after reading and sampling fanfiction for many months, most readers do not mind a one-week or two-week wait if the result is a finished, elegant chapter of writing.

It is ironic that many writers churn out their thoughtless work and publicly apologize, for a lack of a better word, for its horribleness.

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**4. The Mary-Sue.**

_The girl gave a small wriggly dance, as though she were a wet noodle, which was what she partially seemed to be. Seeing as she was wearing a skirt that could have passed as underwear and fishnets, she could have been mistaken for a prostitute. Her shirt was skin-tight; it was a wonder how she was able to breathe in the thing. Her ankle-length hair was a horrid jet-black that made it seem as though she'd dunked her scalp into a bucket of paint._

The above is an actually well-written mockery of a Mary-Sue. However, an honest sincere description of a Mary-sue would go something like this:

_The girl was breathtakingly beautiful, like a goddess in person. Her waist-length hair was smooth, shiny, and jet-black with copper streaks amplifying the beauty of her hair. A single silver clip held her hair to one side, the silver accenting her molten silver eyes. _

_She had long lashes fringing her large soulful eyes. She wore a long dress, bringing out her thin frame perfectly. A slight curve, here and there. Her hands and feet were small, and her skin pale and papery white. Her skin was smooth and taut, like porcelain._

_The girl had a piercing gaze and when she smiled, she revealed a set of pearly teeth and shell pink lips, the color of a fresh cherry blossom. _

_Yet, she wore no make up. _

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**5. The use of chat speak to narrate or talk about a work of literature.**

_"LOL!"_

_"OMGx2!"_

_"OMFG!"_

_"WTG, Dude."_

_"Ruined my appetite."_

_"Ugh, me too."_

_"RTFM, Man. You're UGLY!"_

_"BBL, Ugly Man..NOT!"_

_"TTFN, We GTG, like, now."_

Although the most civilized of American girls would understand this, most would not. Please take the time to undo the abbreviations, also much appreciated.

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**6. The tendency to mention or use one of these common or stupid lines, written below.**

_plz read i no the summery sucks_

_first fic so plz be nice_

_PLEEEEAAAAASEEEEE REEEEEVIEEEEWWWWWWW!_

_may contain a mary-sue so beware_

_TezukaxShiraishixYukimuraxFujixAtobexOCxRyomaxSana daxNiouxEVERYBODY ELSE!_

_spoilers and explicit sex scenes! :P_

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**7. A horrible summary. **

_so Ryoma's sister comes to Japan and she plays TENNIS! so yeah and then she gets really sick and almost dies yeah what happens?! will Tez come to the rescue or will he ditch his new luv "PLEASE READ AND REVIEW" _

**or**

_plz read bcuz this is my first fanfic. so Ryo's a vampire and so is Seigaku and hunters are out 2 get them what will happen? maybe love will happen plz read i no the summery sucks_

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This is my report on fanfiction. From it I have gathered the above seven conclusions through careful observation and reading. That is not to say this new type of literature is bad; merely it is a different kind of literature; very radical. Perhaps our world will move away from the works of Charles of Dickens to stories such as _ryoma's adventure. _What is sure that fanfiction is a flawed literary genre, but nonetheless satisfying to some point. I do not urge you to try it; nor do I discourage you from obsessing over it. Fanfiction is truly a genre you either embrace; or shun.

I am one of the rare persons who are undecided.

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**Did you like it? I know ten bullets would've been better, but oh well. I wrote this in rapid inspiration (contrary to what I write) and will publish it in rapidity. Tell me whether you enjoyed this short little...  
**

**thing, or not! **

_**Thank you to the stories below for contributing excerpts:**_

Cant forget

twilight chats

incomplete

Confessions

For You, Mom

Apostrophes are for Wimps 2

Marysue's Run Amok

**~Snowpoppy**

**P.S- I know it was hard to read this story. I sympathize with all you nearsighted readers.**


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